When I first started this, I had such high hopes I would blog twice a week. I had this idea that somehow I would blog more than twice a week. I would have several posts to choose from each time I attempted to post something. I was sure I would have so much to say that it would flow out of me. 

As Lightning McQueen would say, “That did not happen.”

About 5 years ago, as part of team building at my job, we did a Myers-Briggs survey and bonding workshop for the staff. (I was labeled ENJT which pissed me off. I still think I am really an introvert pretending to be an extrovert.) One of the questions they asked during the workshop was, “Why do you come to work every day?” My answer was, “Because I said I would.”

I do things because I said I would. It doesn’t matter if I may have been drinking before I said it. Once I say I will do something, I feel bound to do it. It is an obligation. It becomes a should.

On the one hand it sounds great, right? I do the things I say I will do. I am reliable. I am dependable. I am also human and fallible; it is more accurate to say it is important to me to do the things I say I will do.

Digging a little deeper, the truth is when I don’t do something I say I will do, my inner voice says I cannot do it at all. I lost my chance. I don’t deserve to do it. My should becomes a can’t.

Philosophically, this may be correct. In practice, it is stupid. The ability to react and replan and try again is a gift from our culture. Fall down, pick yourself up, and try again. This wasn’t even a fall. It was a stumble. A hiccup. A blip. This is for me. There is no should in blogging. There is no one who has the ability to take away my blogging. There is no one who is affected if I don’t do it twice a week. It is entirely up to me.

Goals are good. Goals set signposts to let you know how you are doing. (Yay 5 million steps!) Goals sometimes get in the way. Did I really need a goal for this new hobby?

Saying I would post Tuesdays and Saturdays was a mistake. I mean, not just because I didn’t maintain the cadence. It was supposed to be a reference to the song, “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes.”

There is a line in the second movement that starts, “Will you come see me?” But the line is THURSDAYS and Saturdays. Not Tuesdays. Tuesdays are referenced earlier, “Tuesday morning, please be gone I’m tired of you…” I felt dumb that I got it wrong. 

I hate feeling dumb.

So I return to the blogging. Will it be Thursdays and Saturdays? Will it be Tuesdays and Saturdays? No clue. I am not even trying for a schedule right now. I am doing this, this blogging, to do. And when I do it, that will be something I did. There is no should here. There is a huge can here.

And you know, negative requirements… they aren’t a thing.