This post is not about the first day of school[1].
Recently, we gave up XM Radio[2]. This is not a huge deal since we don’t spend nearly as much time in the car anymore. I only go to the office one day a week and Husband doesn’t go at all. So, while I will miss TheBridge, what we really listened to on the radio on road trips was the NPR channel. On weekends, I got to hear lots of shows that I didn’t listen to at home.
However, Spotify has all of these shows available as Podcasts which are just perfect to walk to. My new favorite is Hidden Brain[3]. The podcast I listened to recently was entitled, “Why is Marriage So Hard.”
It is worth a listen for its content, but like everything else I encounter, it got me thinking in a different direction. The podcast described how marriage was originally two people who did the same thing building a life together so they could be more successful. Two bakers got married so their shop could be better at baking. Two rulers got married so they had more to rule together. It was the normal sociological take on the changing relationships that define normal in our world.
And yet, when they got to the current view of marriage – one person should be all things to you. When it fails, the entire relationship can break down to nothing – that is when it hit me.
Human society is very bad at communicating what is expected as good behavior. As soon as you accept and try to integrate that good behavior, the rules will change. I keep asking myself – and I have for the last year and a half – who makes the rules? Who decides what a good marriage is and what a bad marriage is?
It is not just about marriage.
The truth is, all of society’s rules appear to change as soon as you get a handle on them. Yes, this was evident in High School. As soon as I bought the right pair of jeans, they were the wrong pair of jeans. After I made studying my priority, being smart and knowledgeable was something you were supposed to hide. As soon as I embraced a strict moral code, immorality became in vogue.
How the heck can you keep it straight? How can you keep up with the Jones’ – not in terms of your display of wealth, but in terms of meeting and exceeding expectations. And who is setting those expectations?
Sadly, I think the answer is you can’t. You just can’t. So instead, perhaps there is a different rubric to evaluate yourself on. Perhaps that rubric has to be a balance of expectations from others and your expectations for yourself. Perhaps it is important to remember that your self expectations are at least partially defined by the expectations from the past when you were still learning how to function outside the people you saw on an hourly basis.
But, I still like Podcasts. I like to listen to people talk about things and learn. I like to learn new words and be exposed to ideas I have never considered before.
This desire, which I hope I am not alone in, is potentially where the pressures to change expectations – of body type, marriage, and how to function during a pandemic – is good. It is a challenge, but it is a challenge that keeps us striving for a better way. A happier way. A more peaceful way.
Keep listening – to new songs, new ideas, and new ways of looking at the past, the present and the future. By listening, understanding, and deciding to accept or reject what it is presented to you, YOU will be changing the expectations someone else has to grapple with.
[1] If you came here from my facebook link, sorry about that. A future Letter will address why I did this.
[2] Can you believe they didn’t offer to match the price to have us stay? They didn’t.