That was a hard sentence to write. I mean, I can’t complain but sometimes I still do¹As Mr. Walsh pointed out to us. I have had many successful moments in my personal life and in my professional life. Often I am right, so when I am wrong, it feels like a failure. And, since I try to be conservative in my actions²Managing resources to their best effect for me and my tribe, I don’t expect being wrong, because I like to think I am good at reading the room. So, it feels like a failure. It comes as a surprise. And yet, this week I had a major failure to understand the world view of my colleagues. It is bugging me.

I wrote about associating qualities together that are not actually connected. I think my experience this week takes that a step further. You see, not only did I think everyone knew what the apples were³https://lettersforzerrius.com/2022/05/22/apples-to-apples-to-apples/, I thought everyone agreed they were a good thing. And we would treat the apples. And that was not at all true.

I have had these points in life, in my work life in my personal life, where it becomes obvious that I have been working under the wrong assumptions. I think this may be the case for everyone who has ever experienced the end of a relationship. For example, if Person A thinks everything is fine and the pair will work out their differences and Person B is making plans to move on but hasn’t shared those plans yet, there will be a moment of shock.

There are a couple of amazing things about this that don’t make my failure to understand that I and they were working at cross purposes easier, but perhaps they make how I am dealing with it easier to categorize my mistake. Perhaps it isn’t so much a failure but a good revelation.

First – Maybe if I am not on the same page with you, I still want to stay on the page I am on.

You see, I was working on the assumption that everyone believed the same things I do⁴So as not to vaguebook, I will say I thought we all agreed to be transparent with each other. If the events of the past week had not happened, I would not be having a conversation with my direct leadership. For a while, I feared that I was wrong in how I assumed the system was supposed to work. I had to ask the question, “Am I alone on this page?” But that is good. If I know that I am wrong, I can reevaluate and make the decision: can I accept the new normal or not? You see, I realize, after all the conversations this week, I still have the power to make that decision for me even if I am alone on the page.

Second – Core Values are worth examining.

I think to have a core value, you have to question it from time to time to be sure it is still something you believe. Asking the question, “Do I still believe this?” needs to be done while accepting that the answer could be, “No.” It is scary. It is hard. I have learned that my values do change and become refined as I see how they function in the wider world⁵Take the pandemic – PLEASE!. Values are only tested when I interact with people who do and don’t share the same values. When that happens, I take the opportunity to analyze – is this still what I believe? Or have I somehow shifted without realizing it?

Finally – It is ok to not want to change, but that doesn’t mean your situation won’t change.

This one is very scary. To me. I have been through a long thought exercise this week about what happens if where I am working believes my core value is crap. They might. I may be living my life as a Pollyanna who believe people should treat each other with respect and we can make a better world. While I still cling to that Pollyanna view, I realize the truth is that my world view doesn’t fit in very well with the business world. I have hope that we can all treat each other respectfully even if we disagree. Unfortunately, that may not be the case and I may have to just let that situation exist.

It is so hard for me to not be respected by my colleagues and to watch them treat each other with a lack of respect by hiding information and trying to win instead of trying to get to a good place for everyone. Together.

The real point is, that I did fail to see the warning signs and I did fail to prevent a rather tense situation this week at work. I did get input that I am not alone. As they say at the climax in, The Last Unicorn, “How does it end?” Well, it doesn’t. It is a nexus point, but not a destination. And I wouldn’t have seen that if I hadn’t realized I was wrong.