So, I had decided¹You might have predicted this from previous letters, it was probably time to move on from the job I was doing. I mean, I liked it ok. I was good at it. And yet, I was ready to think about doing something entirely different²Like Dishwashing mostly because I thought I needed some perspective.

Perspective is a wonderful thing.

Anyway, I had decided it was time to move on. And I realized, I would only do it, move on, if I found a forcing function. As much as I have talked about momentum and inflection points, I know that a body at rest stays at rest. It is hard to be hungry when I have a pantry full of supplies. The supplies might not be the fresh food I want, but it will keep me alive³How many people did we see post about using up the food in their pantry in 2020?.

I made a plan. The plan was to make it to March 2023, and then give my notice and transition out of my job. There were options. I am constantly looking for things to learn and subjects to write about. My family would be ok and it would be the spark, the extreme, that drove me to figure out what is next.

Then, my boss announced he was retiring. Some people who hear me complain⁴I am very good at complaining. This is not a skill I value in myself. would be shocked to know, my first thought was to go ahead and quit now. It wasn’t that I loved every decision he made as my boss, but I knew I had accepted the compromise. When I thought of quitting, I was not thinking of quitting my boss. I was thinking of quitting my position and seeking a new path pointing in a new direction so whatever was next would be, dare I say it, an extreme.

And yet, with my boss leaving, I knew that there would be turmoil in the workplace and I could help reduce the effect of that turmoil. So. Yeah, staying until March was the right thing to do. Even as I held on to that thought, I realized the irony.

I may have mentioned I have a BigOne and a LittleOne. In both cases, Husband and I had decided in the late fall that in March, maybe we would try to get pregnant again. In both cases, after making that logical and rational decision, I found out I was already pregnant. I remembered that as I charted my 12 month plan to seek a new adventure⁵I never have made a five year plan..

I no longer think I am leaving my current position in March, because two weeks ago, I was promoted.

I am not scared by the promotion, I am excited. I am challenged. The change in my title⁶Senior Director, Standards and Technologies has changed my self-image in ways I did not expect. I feel appreciated. I feel empowered. I feel like I can contribute in ways that I couldn’t in my old position. I feel rewarded and valued.

But, and this bothers me, I don’t feel imposter syndrome. I don’t feel unprepared. I don’t feel like I am not ready. Instead, it seems to me that someone else changing my title to reflect what I was already doing⁷His words has somehow given me more confidence in my own opinions. Confidence, perhaps, in my confidence.

Why?

No really, why don’t I feel these negative reactions and instead feel freed? I have over 50 years of experience in doubting myself. Mostly, I suck it up and do the job in front of me anyway. This time, that is not how I feel. What is different?

The new title, the new position⁸The new salary… are not things where there is an outside standard that says, “You are ready for this position.”⁹Oh, the irony!. Instead, the way I know I am ready for this position is because the person who made the decision decided they trusted me. I was chosen. This is what leads to me feeling confident in my confidence¹⁰Which I will have to be careful of. After all, pride goeth before a fall….

So, now I do have a 5 year plan¹¹Or maybe a 5 year expectation of myself. Sort of. I will embrace the challenge, do my best, stay true to what I think is right, and remember what I think is right is a perspective, not an absolute. I am energized to do my best to fulfill the strange new title and earn the new salary and not feel like it is my due. Not let confidence blind me to mistakes, and challenges. Not try and do and be everything. Not think I can do this job in a vacuum.

A funny thing happened, as has happened before, when I made a plan. I am not going to execute the plan. But the journey is better than the path I thought I wanted.