As the first month of 2023 comes to a close, I find myself wondering about this. Husband and I just celebrated our 29th Wedding Anniversary1Celebrated is a strong word since we were both feeling a little under the weather, but it was an important occasion for me to mark.. As I was looking around my house, I considered the number of things I had before we got married that are still part of our lives. I also considered the number of things I replaced but didn’t have to, I didn’t replace but should have, and the small changes over the years in how our daily lives operate.
I think I have mentioned I have a fear of making too much trash2It was a while ago LINK, so perhaps I tend to hold on to things too long. I have t-shirts I wouldn’t wear out of the house, but I love and I can’t see myself getting rid of. I have makeup I bought 15 years ago that I never finished and I can’t bring myself to throw away. I have THINGS, and some of those things have been with me a very long time.
Two weeks ago, the 12V car battery in our Prius died. It was supposed to last 8-10 years3I hate ranges. I am always mad when I am on the short end of the range. So, we bought the car in 2015. It didn’t last quite 8 years for us, but the life started when it was manufactured before it went into the car. So yes? It lasted as long as it should?
My Friend told me recently she didn’t believe I only have four pairs of shoes. I went to my closet and realized she was right. I don’t only have four pairs of shoes, but I only wear four pairs of shoes on a regular basis. And one of them, my athletic shoes, are not fit to be worn in public.
My problem with the athletic shoes is I just bought a pair about 4 months ago. They should have lasted longer, but I do this thing with my toes where I flex them and that tends to put holes in the tops of my shoes. A nervous habit. I had bought the same style from the same company about every 6 months for the past five years. I am a creature of habit, and I wonder if in my mind, buying the same style isn’t really getting something new4It is. I like to be aware of the little lies I tell myself.? Anyway, when I got the new pair, they were too small. Did I return them? No.
Why not?
I ended up taking them on three business trips, and by the third one, I was done. They were just small enough that it didn’t matter that they would last longer. The shoes were still in most excellent condition and I hope someone in Iceland is enjoying them. Great tread. It is just that they changed the way they made the size that used to fit. The size should have maintained its shape longer5I don’t understand sizing of clothes and shoes. I don’t understand how my feet could have changed this much, and I am not sure they have..
I have a bias, internally, that things should last forever. Clothes. Sizes. Emotions. Commitments. This bias, I am sure, is based on the culture when I was growing up. I think we got told things must last forever because things were changing so fast in the seventies6Just scroll through some Gen Xer Memes and you will see how grateful we are all that fashion and furniture has changed a LOT since the seventies!.
Strangely, I am observing what I think of as Right and Wrong seems to be changing as well. Or, I should correct, it isn’t what I think of as Right and Wrong is changing, it is that I see it interacts with the world differently now than it did 10 years ago or 29 years ago. The media doesn’t help. Remember when disposable single cup coffee was declared to be the worst thing for the environment and oh so selfish? Well, apparently, if you change the calculation, it turns out that drip coffee is the worst for the environment and to enjoy it is oh so selfish7Drip coffee is my preferred way to prepare it. Of course..
I would like to say my marriage will last forever, but it already hasn’t. 29 years in, and we look at each other differently. We each look different. The things we spend money on have changed. Once, going out for a 2 hour dinner was a great treat. Now I would rather get carry-out. Once, we went to movies regularly. Now, it is all streaming services and I rarely sit through an entire show. My attitudes and the things I find joy in did not last because I changed. The marriage I had 29 years ago is not the marriage I have today because neither I nor Husband is the same as we were then. We are still married, and that makes me happy.
So did we last? Or did we endure? Endurance, to me, as a quality of being changed by the journey. It may be noble, but generally, you are worse for wear after enduring a snowstorm or a life together or the unexpected blessings that you have to be willing to see to receive.
My favorite coffee cup has had most of the finish worn away by the dishwasher. It is somewhere between 6 years and 10 years old. I don’t remember which birthday it was that I got it as a present from LittleOne. You can’t see the pattern on it anymore,. The inside is getting rough. Part of me feels I need to keep it because it was a gift from my very cheap child, but part of me wants to make room on the shelf for a new cup that is in better shape. And perhaps, a cup that would endure a bit longer.
Sometimes, I buy something and I get it home and it just isn’t right. One example of this is on my second business trip in 2016, there was an H&M in the airport where I had a layover. I bought this really cute shirt for 1.99 Euros. I got it home, and it just didn’t work. 6 years later, and I tried it on last month and I found it comfortable and perfect as an undershirt for one of my new blouses. The shirt lasted because I didn’t use it right away. It was waiting for the time when it could be of use, and now I see it is beginning to endure until… it won’t be suitable to wear even as something no one sees.
I don’t know how long things should last. I am feeling itchy to do a clean sweep of the house8It happens from time to time to declutter and refresh our home. I hope, this time, I will be able to throw away the mascara I will never use again and the shampoo that made my hair feel like straw. And maybe I won’t. Because, there is still a part of me that thinks everything should last forever and you have to use things until they are gone.